Dear Love Lawyer,
I’m divorced, distressed, and in desperate need of advice. My ex-husband and I recently finalized our divorce, but I’m now feeling like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life! I’m a Denver car accident lawyer, and I spend each day dealing with miserable people who have been injured in wrecks or who have lost loved ones unexpectedly.
As I handle these horribly traumatic cases, I’ve suddenly realized how grateful I was for my husband. My husband and I divorced because we didn’t prioritize one another anymore. He’s a neurologist, and I’m a lawyer. Our jobs kept us apart most of the day, and whenever we finally had time together, we were exhausted. It felt like a chore sometimes to put the effort into our marriage.
But now I’m feeling that cliché feeling that maybe the grass isn’t greener on the other side. What if I’ve lost the best thing that ever happened to me? I want my husband to be there if something bad ever happens, and I want to be there for him, too. I’m scared that my ex doesn’t feel the same way. We’ve already finalized the divorce and now it may be too late to go back to what we once had. What should I do, Love Lawyer?
I’m a mess!
Dear Denver Divorcée,
I’m not sure how long it’s been since your divorce, but I recommend taking a moment to breathe. I’ll say it again, BREATHE. Divorce is hard, no matter what the circumstances may be, and it sounds like you’re in a state of panic as you try to transition into your new life as a single woman.
I’d have to guess that, when you decided to divorce your husband, you both had some good reasons for doing so, or else you wouldn’t have gone through with it in the first place. That’s not to say that you didn’t make a mistake or you don’t still love your husband, because you may have and you might, but the feelings you’re currently feeling are normal and justified.
My advice is to take some time before reaching out to your husband with the realization that you want him back. Explore yourself and your new life as a divorced woman. You don’t have to date new people but enjoy your time alone. Enjoy the time where you don’t have to put effort into anyone or anything but yourself. Everyone needs this time. It may even be helpful to see a therapist and get some guidance on your thoughts and emotions.
Once you’ve taken a healthy amount of time to settle down and adjust, you can assess your emotions more clearly. If you still feel like you’ve made a mistake, then by all means, go get your man back! Love is always worth fighting for in my book, and it’s never too late.
All my best,