Dear Love Lawyer,
I need your advice. I’m a real estate attorney living in Atlanta, Georgia. About six months ago, I went with some friends to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. We had a great time, and I unexpectedly fell in love while I was down there. I’m an attorney, so I’ve always searched for someone who’s on the same professional level as me. This man isn’t on that level. He works as a car salesman.
We kept in touch for a couple months after my trip and he treated me so well. Our connection infatuated me, but I ended up breaking my own heart. Deep down, I knew I could never marry someone who wasn’t on my level intellectually and I hate to admit that. I wish I would have met someone like a New Orleans car accident lawyer or a doctor while I was down there, but unfortunately, the odds weren’t in my favor.
I sound awful admitting this to you. Now, I’m sitting here heartbroken. It’s all my fault and I don’t know what to do or how to get over my superficial issues. I just want to be happy. I know you’re a lawyer and you might relate to what I’m saying. Can you give me some advice on the matter?
Not-so-Humble and Heartbroken
Dear Not-so-Humble and Heartbroken,
The issues you’re facing are understandable. Society puts a lot of pressure on successful women to find partners who check all the boxes. Even if you make a decent amount of money, you’ll likely want someone who you know can provide for your future family, protect you, match your ambition, and challenge you intellectually. You should never settle for less than what you believe you deserve.
However, checking boxes isn’t always a priority when it comes to true love. You have to decide for yourself what boxes this man checks for you and whether you’re analyzing him solely on superficial factors versus the factors that truly matter to your relationship. For example, are you two compatible in other ways? Do you connect on a deeper level? Can you see him being a good father?
Unfortunately, these are questions only you can answer but they are more important questions than what his job title is versus what yours is. Don’t get so hung up on the amount of money he makes or what other people will think. Love is worth fighting for, and you deserve someone who sees you for who you truly are. He also deserves that. I hope you find some clarity, and if/when you do, run back to your man as fast as you can!