The Past Is Affecting My Present

Dear Love Lawyer,

When I came across your blog, I knew I had to reach out for help. You seem like a strong person who can give me the advice I need to move forward and start fresh. I’m not a lawyer myself, but I’ve struggled for so long to develop relationships and, honestly, I’m tired of being the victim.

I’ll be frank with you. I was sexually abused as a child in New York City. I kept this secret from everyone for many years. I’m now in my thirties and recently received a settlement with the help of Greenstein & Milbauer, LLP.

I’m grateful that I can now put my past behind me, but I also feel more exposed than ever. When I kept the secret inside, I felt like I could date without people knowing the scars I held. Now, I feel like those scars are on display. Do you have any advice on how I can embrace my past without constantly feeling like it defines me?

Eager to hear your thoughts,

Stuck in Place

 

Dear Stuck in Place, 

I’m so sorry to hear about what you went through as a child and the burden of that secret you bore for so long. No one should have to feel such suffering, especially at such a young age. I understand it can be hard to move forward from something so difficult, but you’ve already conquered the hardest part of all, which was facing your abuser and seeking justice. The sexual abuse you experienced will likely be a part of you forever, but it doesn’t have to define you. 

You get to choose whether you want to be a victim or a hero of your own story. You can take what has happened to you and use it to help others who’ve been through the same thing. You can own it, conquer it, and decide that your abuser no longer has power over you. If you want to find love, you must feel your feelings and find a way to shape them. 

Nothing in life worth having is ever easy to obtain. You’ve been dealt a difficult set of cards. How will you choose to play them? You may have struggled a lot so far, but you can decide right now to be happy and start again. 

Mindset is everything and I’m rooting for you!

Best,

Love Lawyer